Arnie Podgorsky


Dear Friends,
I write to publicly acknowledge, embrace, and support the accompanying letter
(below) from our senior rabbi, Gil Steinlauf, who has some personal news to share with you. Rabbi Steinlauf's letter speaks for itself, and I know you will read it carefully.

For my part, I commend Rabbi Steinlauf for his courage in sharing his news with our community in such an honest way. I offer him my full support and that of the Adas Israel lay leadership.

Rabbi Steinlauf shared his news with the officers of the synagogue early this fall, and we conferred with him about when and how best to share the news with the larger community. We determined together that he would see the congregation through the High Holy Days in the customary way, and then make his news public.

Together with the other officers of Adas Israel, I stand with Rabbi Steinlauf. Our synagogue is strong, large, and inclusive--a big tent with room and respect for all.  Rabbi Steinlauf, along with the rest of the clergy, will continue to advance new paths to Torah, making Judaism and its tools for a beautiful life more accessible for more Jews.  We will continue our diverse approaches to worship, from the traditional to the innovative. At the same time, we understand that Rabbi Steinlauf will be undergoing a challenging personal transition in the coming months, and we extend to him patience and a generous spirit.

It is important to recognize that this development resolves a decades-long personal struggle in Rabbi Steinlauf's life and reflects the still loving and supportive relationships among Gil and Batya and their children. I have great respect for their ability to face changing circumstances in their lives with honesty and integrity. We can all learn from their example.
Please offer every kindness and consideration to Rabbi Batya Steinlauf and the children, who remain--changed family circumstances notwithstanding--full, active, and contributing members of this community. Your openness and warmth toward the entire family will speak well of our community's caring and inclusiveness. 

You may wish to visit with Rabbi Steinlauf if you like, whose deep Torah knowledge, wisdom, erudition, compassion, spirituality, and strong rabbinic presence continue to inspire me and others daily.  At the same time, we encourage you to express any concerns this news brings and to ask any questions you may have.
On behalf of the Board of Directors, I look forward to your continued participation in Adas Israel's joyful and inclusive embrace of Jewish tradition and community. 

Continued wishes for a happy, healthy new year, and a Chag Sameach.
Arnie Podgorsky


Gil Steinlauf
Senior Rabbi

Dear Friends,
I am writing to share with you that after twenty years of marriage, my wife Batya and I have decided to divorce. We have arrived at this heartbreaking decision because I have come to understand that I am gay. These are great upheavals in my personal life, as in Batya’s and that of our children. But it is plain to all of us that because of my position as Rabbi of Adas Israel, this private matter may also have a public aspect. We recognize that you may well need a period of reflection to absorb this sudden news. I am most grateful for the support Adas’ lay leaders and clergy have provided my family and me in the short time since I brought this matter to their attention. That support makes it possible for us to prepare for this new chapter in our lives, and for me in my ongoing service as Rabbi of Adas Israel Congregation.
While I struggled in my childhood and adolescence with a difference I recognized in myself, that feeling of difference did not then define my identity, much less the spouse I would seek. I sought to marry a woman because of a belief that this was the right thing for me. This conviction was reinforced by having grown up in a different era, when the attitudes and counsel of adult professionals and peers encouraged me to deny this uncertain aspect of myself. I met and fell in love with Batya, a wonderful woman who loved and accepted me exactly as I am. Together, we have shared a love so deep and real, and together we have built a loving home with our children--founded principally on the values and joys of Jewish life and tradition. But my inner struggle never did go away. Indeed, Batya herself has supported me through this very personal inner struggle that she knew to be the source of great pain and confusion in my life over decades.
A text I’ve sat with for years is from the Babylonian Talmud (Yoma 72b) and states, “Rabbah said, any scholar whose inside does not match his outside is no scholar. Abaye, and some say Ravah bar Ulah, said [one whose inside does not match his outside] is called an abomination.” Ultimately, the dissonance between my inside and my outside became undeniable, then unwise, and finally intolerable. With much pain and tears, together with my beloved wife, I have come to understand that I could walk my path with the greatest strength, with the greatest peace in my heart, with the greatest healing and wholeness, when I finally acknowledged that I am a gay man. Sadly, for us this means that Batya and I can no longer remain married, despite our fidelity throughout our marriage and our abiding friendship and love. As our divorce is not born of rancor, we pray that together with our children we will remain bound by a brit mishpachah, a covenant of family.

I hope and pray, too, that I will be the best father, family member, rabbi, friend, and human being I can be, now that I have resolved a decades-long struggle. The truth is that like anyone else, I have no choice but to live with the reality, or personal Torah, of my life. I ask for your continued trust in me to guide you as your spiritual leader as I truly am. I also ask for your love and kindness toward Batya and our children as they seek to live their lives with dignity, as they journey the challenging road ahead.
I feel immensely proud that for many generations our congregation has set standards of vision and leadership in the American Jewish community and am sincerely grateful for the privilege of serving Adas Israel. Now, with deepened humility, I look forward to continuing the delicate task of marking and celebrating our shared human journeys in joy and in holiness.


Rabbi Gil Steinlauf
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